Good morrrrning. Early start to today, but I like that. Honestly, Saturdays are still meant for play in my book. Even if I do happen to work.Getting out early. Which is nice. :)
I brought the peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies to work today. The other batch. I'm giving them away to coworkers. People are wildly impressed with the fleur de sel, and man, I long for a cookie. It's kinda sad that I don't get to have one today. Ha. Sad is probably a strong word, but there is this idea of "mourning a food" that I have been thinking about lately. There is an emotional tie to food, obviously, and even though I don't want a cookie for reasons of hunger or nourishment, I do want a cookie because I made them, and they're fun, and I want to enjoy them with other people. I think sometimes I'm just going to feel excluded on this diet, like certain things people eat aren't really my "cultural property" anymore. I honestly think that emotional tie to some foods is going to be the thing that will lead me astray, or "back" as it were. Like, I can't imagine not eating my Mom's Swedish Meatballs on Easter, if she makes them. NOT eating those would make me sad. Or maybe I'm just thinking it would. In the moment, I might just go, "That's okay, I'll eat this thing that she made instead." Honestly, no single food choice I make is going to say who I am, or who I'm not. It's the accumulation of choices which will define who I am, as an eater. If someday, I want to have a swedish meatball, if what I really really really want is to have a swedish meatball--I will have one. I will make that choice.
But today, I'm not having a cookie.
Instead, I'm enjoying the cookies through giving them to other people. It's not as sensual and direct and delicious a way to enjoy food--but here, I'm the baker. I'm the maker. I'm not the eater. But I'm still part of the chain of giving and eating food. And I think that's fine.
I never imagined food would be such a huge part of who I am. I think maybe it's because I'm such a pensive, thoughtful person to begin with. Whatever I do means a lot to me. So it would make sense that food would follow suit.
I think I might buy a vegan cookie today so that if my date wants to eat the cookies while I'm there, I can share in that. With my own vegan cookie. It's a little forced, it's a little lame, it's not as spontaneous, but it's about making sure that I feel included in a ritual that means a lot to me. The breaking of bread. Or the eating of cookies. As it were.
Showing posts with label resisting temptation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label resisting temptation. Show all posts
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day 7: Feb 7
this one's gonna be short, kids. i'm a tirrrred girl. too tired to even use caps. ha.
it was a challenging day today for this vegan! but ultimately, very triumphant! i worked on prepping catering for 400 for a 3 hour long cocktail party about social media at the New York Public Library all day. there was no time for lunch. no time for dinner til 7:30.
and there were meatballs around. and blue cheese. and goat cheese stuffed dates. we could munch on these every now and again.
but i didn't.
i had a couple plain dates, and some sweet potatoes. i was hungry. a meatball would have been so easy. salty and fatty and momentarily satisfying. but i didn't eat one. i was strong.
no, really. for a chubby girl who goes to food when she's not EVEN hungry. for her to not go to things that would have been comforting during a hungry and stressful time would have been very easy. but i resisted. and had a vegan burrito for dinner. with some black iced tea.
on the train platform this evening, i got weepy. it was a long, tiring day. but i felt happy and proud. i was full of happy feelings. for a variety of reasons. i started eating better a couple of months ago in part because of a painful romantic breakup. i know this has nothing to do with the 28 day challenge, but it has to do with a life challenge. when i started taking charge of what i was putting into my body, i started taking charge of what was coming out--and by coming out, i mean feelings. emotional and physical. i've been attempting to take charge of my diet for the past three years. and while i know i won't get skinny in a month of veganism, or a year. i know i'm getting healthier. and taking charge. it's a good feeling.
here's to more good feelings.
it was a challenging day today for this vegan! but ultimately, very triumphant! i worked on prepping catering for 400 for a 3 hour long cocktail party about social media at the New York Public Library all day. there was no time for lunch. no time for dinner til 7:30.
and there were meatballs around. and blue cheese. and goat cheese stuffed dates. we could munch on these every now and again.
but i didn't.
i had a couple plain dates, and some sweet potatoes. i was hungry. a meatball would have been so easy. salty and fatty and momentarily satisfying. but i didn't eat one. i was strong.
no, really. for a chubby girl who goes to food when she's not EVEN hungry. for her to not go to things that would have been comforting during a hungry and stressful time would have been very easy. but i resisted. and had a vegan burrito for dinner. with some black iced tea.
on the train platform this evening, i got weepy. it was a long, tiring day. but i felt happy and proud. i was full of happy feelings. for a variety of reasons. i started eating better a couple of months ago in part because of a painful romantic breakup. i know this has nothing to do with the 28 day challenge, but it has to do with a life challenge. when i started taking charge of what i was putting into my body, i started taking charge of what was coming out--and by coming out, i mean feelings. emotional and physical. i've been attempting to take charge of my diet for the past three years. and while i know i won't get skinny in a month of veganism, or a year. i know i'm getting healthier. and taking charge. it's a good feeling.
here's to more good feelings.
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